I tried everything. I tried to shoo them away with a broom but they overwhelmed me with their thick rimmed glasses and plaid fedoras and hunting hats. There was awful fur everywhere!

I called pest control. I even tried salt! Nothing. They keep coming around like a whirlwind of obscure bands and independent film reviews. My neighbour suggested I use sand, but that didn’t work either.

Every morning, I have to clean up after them. Their refuse. The Hipster calling card..an empty case of PBR.