My Awesome Chili Recipe

Succulent chiliBefore this site turns into “Big Fat Street Fighter Review”, I thought I’d offer you guys a present: My Awesome Chili Recipe. It’s a recipe that took me years to perfect, and if I one day have a child, it’ll probably be his only inheritance. It’s the first recipe post in what I hope will become a regular feature. Let me know if you enjoyed it, hated it, or have some suggestions to make it better. I tried to stick with pretty easy to find ingredients and none of ’em is absolutely necessary. So here we go, time to put on your chef hats and your fake Mexican moustaches!


1 lb ground veal
1 x 796ml can of diced tomatoes
1 x 398ml can of tomato sauce
1 x 540ml can of small red kidney beans (the bigger beans are okay too, not ideal but okay)
2 onions
1 garlic clove
1 tablespoon extra super virgin pro premium olive oil
1/2 cup of red wine
1/2 tsp chili powder
1/2 tsp crushed cayenne pepper
a pinch of paprika
a tiny pinch of cinnamon
a pinch of ground cumin (giggedy)
1 thing of fresh coriander
Sour cream (optional)
Corn chips (optional)


Put everything in a blender and mix for a good 2 minutes. Serve as a protein shake. Mmmmmm…

Seriously though, you start by chopping up the onions and the garlic. The size is entirely up to you but for some reason, in a chili, I prefer bigger onion chunks. Wash and chop the coriander, the finer the better. Open all the cans so you don’t get caught when it’s time to add their contents to the mix. Rinse the red kidney beans to get rid of the disgusting “bean slime” they’re packaged in.

That’s it, you’re all set, turn on the stove , set it to “max”, pour the olive oil in a big frying pan or a wok. Add the onions, the garlic and the veal. After 5 minutes or so, add the red wine. After another 5 minutes, add the diced tomatoes, the tomato sauce, the red kidney beans (Yes, I add them at the beginning. A lot of people will tell you to add them near the end, but they’re WRONG! I find adding the beans early gives them a smoother texture, like, it makes them melt in your mouth. Oh yeah baby, melt dem naughty naughty beans in your mouth…)

Now it’s time to reduce the fire to “medium-low”. It’s also time for the trickiest part of the recipe: the spices. I usually use half a teaspoon of chili powder, half a teaspoon of cayenne pepper, and a pinch of everything else. Especially the cinnamon; you gotta be suuuper careful with the cinnamon cuz it can totally ruin your recipe. On the other hand, you can put up to a half a teaspoon of cumin and paprika if you know what you’re doing. Using too much cumin will make your chili taste like an indian dish though.

Words of wisdom: a great recipe takes a lot of trial and error. Don’t be afraid to test the hell out of it when you’re not cooking for guests, I know that’s how I made my coolest cooking discoveries (which I’ll make sure to share with you in the future).

Back to our awesome chili. Let it simmer to reduce on “medium-low” for a good hour. Stir every 10 minutes or so. It’ll probably mess up your whole kitchen with little red drops, so be prepared.

Protip: after it’s done simmering, turn the stove off and let it rest for another hour. It makes a huge difference on the taste when you let all the ingredients cool down together for a while.

Serve in a bowl with some fresh coriander sprinkled on it, a spoonful of sour cream and corn chips.

This recipe will feed 4 normal people, or 1 single disgusting fuck.



2 thoughts on “My Awesome Chili Recipe

  1. This recipe is fantabulous. And I’m not just saying that. I drooled.

  2. This is bullshit, I thought you guys ran a game review blog! Cooking is for pussies!

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