A little while ago, I wrote about how smart phone apps have gotten really good at helping you track your workouts and subsequently, your fitness level. Of course, what goes hand in hand with a cool workout app than a calorie counter? Or maybe it’s a cool Paleo app like Caveman Paleo Recipes or maybe Primal Feed (both which I have not tried yet).

Or maybe it’s an app called Junk Food Emergency, cause sometimes, you know just…fuck eating well.

I had high hopes for Junk Food Emergency. I did. The name had such promise and it purported to tell me where I could find disgustingly delicious junk food near me when the urge strikes.

Except it doesn’t do any of that. In the end, it sucks and here’s why:

1 – It only covers the USA and France! How is this possible in this age of aggregate everything into maps on the intersnels? How??

2 – It only shows the big players aka McDonalds, Subway, KFC, Domino’s and Pizza Hut. What about the holy grail of freaky new junk food joints to kill ourselves at? With so many McD’s out there you don’t need an app to help you find them, you just need eyes.

3 – All this app really does is show me where I am on the map! I know where I am thank you.

Terrible app. Uninstalled.

Fast Food Fever – Another greatly named app that proves itself to be nothing more than a waste of time. All it does is aggregate news containing the word “fast food”. This app didn’t do anything but make me angry. Their logo is an out of focus burger and fries.

Find Food Fast – This app at least does everything you want it to. What are you craving? Indian? Sushi? Burgers? Scroll down the list, select and voila. Instant restaurant right around where you are. Simple, easy, and it gets the job done. Your fave food’s not listed? Do a custom search . Thank you.

The above apps are all available for Android at Google Play.